As we close out this year with a desire to have happiness and joy at Christmas (or whichever holiday you celebrate), know that you can choose the feelings you really want to experience no matter what the negative or positive event. It’s always your choice.
And in the following story, our heroine chooses to think positively when a beloved relative dies unexpectedly. Take a close look at what she does to work through the trauma of the event in a positive way. Her choice brings her joy. Quite the opposite feeling you would expect in such a situation.
As you read, put yourself in her situation and ask what you would do. If it’s not positive, determine to shift your thoughts.
Choosing Joy at Death
Clary smiled as she stepped into her apartment. She was taking off her winter coat, scarf and knit cap when her phone rang. She reached into her backpack and noted with a smile, it was Mom. Her two roommates looked up as she answered it.
“Hi, Mom. I just stepped into my apartment. Let me hang up my coat and scarf. Okay, what’s the news?”
“Before I tell you, tell me how your day went.”
“Wonderful. My last day of classes convinced me I am totally ready for my finals next week. And the best news is that my last final is Thursday morning instead of the afternoon. I’m so pleased. I can start home a half day early.”
“I’m glad. But you’re not driving. We’re sending you a plane ticket.”
“Mom, you don’t have to do that. I can leave at 11 and be home by 9. Flying is not necessary.”
“Clary, it is necessary. Grandma Rose died in her sleep last night. Her funeral is next Friday in the morning. I need you home as early Thursday as we can arrange.”
Clary’s tears were flowing, but she knew Mom was barely holding it together. If she showed she was crying, Mom would break down. Grandma Rose was Mom’s mother. She covered her phone and whispered to Janet and Susan, “Grandma Rose died last night.” They were immediately next to her on the couch, holding her. Clary switched to her phone speaker.
“Clary, are you still there?”
“I am, Mom. How are you doing?”
“I’ve had so much to do to make arrangements and deal with officials, I haven’t had a moment to reflect. That’s probably best. What time can you be at the airport?”
“I’ll find someone to drive me and could be there by 11 AM.”
“Thank-you. I’ll purchase the ticket and send it to you. I’m so sorry this occurred just before finals.”
“I’ll be okay. I have the weekend to pull myself together. Is Dad home?”
“He’s on his way. He had to go in to take care of necessary projects and arrange to leave work early. I called Daniel and Marie just before you. They’re driving up from their home Thursday evening. They couldn’t get away any sooner. And Marny said she’ll be back from her business trip Wednesday afternoon.”
“Good. I just wanted to be sure you were not being left alone. I’m glad my brother and his wife, and my sister can make it. Thanks for calling all of us.”
“You’re welcome. I just heard your dad drive in. The garage door is opening. Do you want to talk to him?”
“Not right now. I need some ‘feelings processing time.’ So do you. Janet and Susan are both here to help me. And Dad will help you now that he’s home. Bye, Mom. I love you.”
What would you do to bounce back from such an event in your life? Perhaps you have had a similar event. Your reaction could last for days or be short, like Clary.
Clary focused her thoughts and collected her feelings to help her mother in the first few moments. Asking her mother how she was doing helped Clary. She reached outward, refocusing her thoughts and feelings.
That kept her mind clear and rational. Even though she was quietly crying, she answered questions and made plans. She determined that Dad was due shortly which told her to stay on the phone until he came.
And second, she mentally scheduled a time to “ugly cry,” telling Mom she would be processing feelings with the help of her roommates and encouraging Mom to do the same with Dad.
Clary knew it was wise to process her feelings right away. She cried first. Janet and Susan held her, provided tissues and water, and just listened to her tell (through the tears) all the wonderful times Grandma had been there and helped her as she grew.
Susan put Clary’s phone on record to capture her stories. Clary said, “I remember Grandma saying at Grandpa’s death, ‘Clary, he’s not dead. His spirit-body just stepped through the veil into the world of spirits. He’s greeting his parents and brother and sister who preceded him. One day I’ll join him, and we’ll be joyfully reunited.’ That’s what she’s doing, joyfully greeting him, her mom and dad and all other relatives that preceded her. I love that thought.”
“A beautiful reminder that this life is full of changes,” Janet said. “Life goes on and on. We’re part of an ongoing tapestry woven by our Heavenly Father. The best part is that your Grandma and Grandpa Rose strove to live a Christlike life and endure to this temporary end.”
“Yes,” Clary said. “What a wonderful thought. It makes me grateful for the Lord’s plan.” Clary smiled as her tears dried. “Thank-you for your love and support. I’m hungry. Let’s fix dinner.”
Clary spent a couple of hours processing because she had a clear, positive understanding of the reality of death. And she focused on the happy remembrances and the joyful place Grandma Rose was now in. She expressed gratitude for the help from her roommates as her grandma would have wanted.
The Takeaway Thought
Clary processed her feelings. She went from sadness at her loss to reflection of a life well-lived to realization Grandma Rose is experiencing joy. This thought brought Clary joy, too. Then she embraces the silver lining—being grateful for Grandma’s life and her time with Grandma. And she cherishes the love Grandma has for her, and she has for Grandma. Lastly, she returns to current life with action and a smile.
You can do the same in any “downer” feelings event in your life. Simply shift your thoughts from negative to positive, and your feelings will follow.
Lifestyle coaches: This could have been a blog or an e-newsletter to your people. This is the kind of articles I can work with you to create for your e-newsletters and your blog. Contact me if you would like to talk.